Do you remember the type of Mum you thought you’d never be? Oh yeah, wait that’s you!
I’ve always known what type of Mum I’d like to be. Before Rory was born, even before pregnancy, I had these (crazy) misconceptions of parenting. I hope to god I was never one of those childless fantasists. You know the one, like your friend from work. The woman with the immaculate home who eats out most nights. She’s never pushed anything the size of a watermelon out of her fanny yet she knows exactly how to discipline your toddler! You nod politely knowing it’s exactly the thing you would have thought (but not said) in 2014 when spending £80 on a new pair of jeans was a necessity and not just waste of money!
Now I know what your thinking. Exactly what type of Mother did I expect to be? A baby wearing mama, a health obsessed mother or the mum with the perfect hair?
I wanted to be the super mom. The mom who is so organised her kids know what will be in their packed lunches a week in advance. Her ironing pile is never more than a few t-shirts high and if you need something baking for the cake sale she’s your woman. Basically I wanted to be fucking awesome! Realistic mom goals? I think not.
So how exactly do you become the super mom? Well it’s simple, just don’t become one of the other mums….
The Fish Finger Mum
This mum will tell you her children are fussy eaters when really beige dinners are just easier. She’s spent one too many evenings scrapping spaghetti bolognese off the ceiling to give a fuck what anyone thinks. If the kids want chicken nuggets that’s fine. She’ll throw on some peas and tell herself it’s a balanced diet.
The Nickelodeon Mum
The first thing this mum does in a morning (after making herself coffee) is switch on the TV. God forbid she actually has to communicate with her offspring before 7am. Screen time is a thing she’ll consider introducing at some point but for now any time is Peppa time!
The Bribery Mum
You’ll probably come face to face this mum at soft play. Her child will be the one running around like a troll on speed, throwing balls at your toddlers head. She’ll use chocolate as a strategy to tame her unruly tot (as if he isn’t hyped up enough as it is) while haggling like she’s trying to buy a used camel in Morocco.
The Breadstick Mum
This mum is at the top of her game in any supermarket. Most people start in the fruit and veg aisle but not her. She heads straight to the bakery. Forget the free fruit, nothing keeps the little ones quiet like French baguette.
The iPhone Mum
Her child can’t speak, in fact he can barely support his own head but he can use an iPhone better than most adults. He’s probably got his own Instagram and I wouldn’t be surprised to see him do his online banking!
Going into motherhood I set my bar pretty high. Aiming for perfection is completely normal but like most new mums all your doing is setting yourself up for failure. That said it’s difficult to have realistic expectations of a situation which you’ve never experienced before. I found myself lost in a territory completely outside my comfort zone.
The funny thing is I’ve become the type of mum I thought I would never be – see all of the above (yep they’re all me). We eat fish fingers at least twice a week, I barter with bubbles and I have more episodes of Peppa Pig on record than I do Corrie. But does this really make me a bad mum? Hell no!
I might be ridiculously unorganised, always late for everything and have no time to wash my hair but I work a full time job, keep the laundry to a minimum and try my best to run the hoover round once in awhile. I love my sticky, squirmy toddler from his tiny toes to the top of his head – even when he hides half digested grapes in my handbag. We stomp like monsters, sing silly songs and read the same two books over and over again. Personal hygiene aside I am a super mom! Not quite the one I originally hoped to be but awesome all the same.
If you’ve got a sec, please leave us a comment because we’d love to know what you thought!