I have a confession to make…I’m still wearing my pregnancy pants!
Yes, I’m talking about those ginormous briefs that everyone tells you to buy in preparation for when hell literally falls out of your vagina!
*FYI for those who are yet to experience childbirth, this ‘HELL‘ I speak of is not your child. It is in fact the joyous bloodbath which follows the arrival of your precious human.
You know the ones I’m referring to. The pants that have room to accommodate a sanitary towel the size of a house brick. The pants that your youthful self would have sneered at. Well those pants are still very much a part of my life. It’s been over 15 month since Rory’s arrival and I’m fresh out of excuses. This mama is in serious need of some new knickers!
It was my mother-in-law who first told me about buying brief’s even Bridget Jones would be fearful of. Until that point I hadn’t really given much thought to life immediately after labour – aside from the child that you’re now suddenly entirely responsible for. The nearest I’d come to giving birth was watching ‘knocked up’.
Isn’t it funny how Hollywood never depicts the true aftermath which follows childbirth. Instead it’s all about the joys of motherhood. They seem to forget about the terrifying first trip to the loo or the fact that it renders you incapable of holding in your own farts! – I’d like to take this opportunity to confirm that after several months of rigorous pelvic floor exercises I can now successfully stop myself from trumping in public. I cannot however always guarantee that I won’t wee a little when faced with an extremely funny situation!
During pregnancy I followed all the advice from the parenting forums and took myself off to Primark to purchase the biggest pair of BLACK pants I could find. *Pregnant ladies take note! That word is in bold. That’s because nobody wants to be wearing white knickers after birthing a baby! Now I’m not talking about women’s briefs or those cute Brizillian pants, I’m talking about knickers that your Nan would wear! So big they come over you belly button, nine months pregnant or not!
So why is it that I’m still wearing those atrocious knickers? Short answer…they’re comfy! I’m alarmingly aware that I sound like my mother but it’s true. Before pregnancy I was a french knicker kind of girl who every so often had a little dab in the thong section. But let’s be honest ladies, discreetly pulling your thong from out of your ass is near on impossible when you’re 8 months pregnant. There comes a time when you most succumb to the big knickers. In the words of Paolo Nutini, there’s no other way.
But that doesn’t really explain why over 15 months on I’m still rocking the Nan look. They’re clearly doing me no favours (especially in the bedroom department but then again who has time for that shit anyway?) and I really don’t have any plausible explanation as to why I willingly choose them every morning! It’s just so hard to let go.
Knowing that my addiction has gone on too long I’ve decided it’s time to demote my big knickers to sleep wear. Heavens knows they’re large enough to pass off as shorts. At least this way I don’t have to part with them completely. So with my pregnancy pants reserved solely for the bedroom – isn’t Ryan a lucky man – I think it’s only fair I take myself shopping. Step aside Primark has-beens this mama’s on the hunt for some new knickers!
If you’ve got a sec, please leave us a comment because we’d love to know what you thought!