Last week I had my first job interview in over two years. It was for a position with the company I already work for but it was considerably harder than I expected. Having been back at work now for nearly four months my head is definitely back in the game. Although I’d be lying if I said I’d picked up exactly where I left off. It seems my post baby brain is just not as efficient. I can preempt a toddler meltdown in under five seconds but when it comes to spouting corporate jargon I’m at a loss!
It did however get me thinking. Imagine if there was a job interview for prospective parents. After all parenting is more than just a full time job, it’s a 24 hour job. It’s stressful, demanding, the holiday entitlement is shitty and as for the pay…are hugs and kisses even legal tender?
What sort of questions would they ask and would any of us actually make the grade?
A fantastic opportunity has arisen to work in a rewarding career. This role requires the patience of a saint, a strong stomach and the ability to multitask. The ideal candidate will also be flexible, have no social life and be able to hit the ground running. The role is permanent but does involve shift work. Caffeine and alcohol are available at your own expense. No experience necessary, all ‘training’ is on the job.
1. Growing a child takes time, can you tell me how you will prepare for the birth of your baby during pregnancy?
2. Everyone knows that childbirth is painful, how do you intend to support your partner as she pushes your child’s head out of her noonie
3. Have you ever been in a situation where it takes you three hours to leave the house? What would you do differently to improve the process?
4. Imagine you’ve just changed your child’s arse, as soon as you leave the room they do a shit. Now imagine that this happens at least once a day for the next four years. How would you cope in that situation?
5. Can you give me an example of a time when you’ve needed to repeat yourself 900 times in one day? How did it make you feel?
6. Unless you’re willing to share, you will need to consume 99.9% of your food whilst hiding in the downstairs loo. Do you think you could easily adapt to this new lifestyle?
7. Sleep deprivation is a major cause of arguments amongst parents. Tell me how you intend to survive on little to no sleep for the next decade?
8. Imagine you are in this situation. You’re on a date night with your partner. It’s the first time you’ve been out ALONE in months. You’re really enjoying your time together but all you seem to talk about are the kids. Do you think this is healthy?
9. Can you tell me about a time when you realised you’d not had sex in nearly three months mainly because life is just too exhausting but also because trimming you lady garden sounds like a lot of hard work? How do you think this will affect your relationship?
10. Should you decide to return to work, how will you handle the pang of guilt every time your child gives you the ‘why are you abandoning me’ eyes?
If you’ve got a sec, please leave us a comment because we’d love to know what you thought!