Have you seen my boobs? I seem to have lost them!

Boobies,knockers or bazookas, call them what you will. Women who have them despise them and women who don’t have them desire them. I’ve always taken my ample bosom for granted. Although now I’m in my mid-twenties with a baby under my belt, I have a slight problem. I’ve lost my boobs! 

I remember the first time my mum made me wear a bra. It was one of those training bras. The sort with no underwire but a little bit more structure than a vest. I was at junior school so I must have been around 10. After spending the morning wriggling uncomfortably, lunch time rolled round and I’d had enough. I freed myself from the contraption and shoved it to the bottom of my school back.  

The next memory I have is bra shopping prior to my move up to secondary school. I can’t have been with my mum when she bought the training bra because on this occasion she made a big hooha. After locating the teeny tiny bras in M&S we made our way to the fitting rooms. She immediately struck up a conversation with the sales assistant, declaring proudly and loudly to everyone within earshot that it was a very special day for me. It was bad enough that the sales assistant had to measure my minuscule boobs whilst I stood there half naked. I didn’t need my mother making matters worse by confirming I was a bra virgin!

The next bra related memory I have is when I’m considerably older. It was around the same time I made the decision not to wear the type of briefs which are sold in multi-packs. Yet another mortifying experience. Try explaining to your mother, who has only ever worn briefs sold in multi-packs, that you would like to start wearing thongs. Not quite as embarrassing as the time she caught me trying to trim my bikini line with her razor, but almost level pegging.

boobsAnyway, there we were browsing the selection of bras on offer in La Senza. I’m now a stroppy teenager who has declared M&S unsuitable. “Only old women shop there” I proclaim. In the faint hope of preventing a public meltdown my mum allows me to choose some of the pretty, yet more practical bras available. Bra shopping with my mother is like shoe shopping. She won’t pay until you’ve been properly measured and the products have her seal of approval. We’d been at this game for several years now, I was familiar with the drill. Only this time there was a problem, the bra didn’t fit! With it been the largest cup size available we were left with no option but to head to M&S! I don’t remember the meltdown but I guess there was one. If I were to ask my mother she’d probably tell me it was epic! 

Since then I’ve found it very difficult to buy bras. Only select high street retailers like M&S and Debenhams carry my size and the range of styles is very limiting. This isn’t too much of a problem because I often opt for practicality over style. I’d love to treat myself to some lingerie for a special occasion but in my size it’s just so bloody expensive! 

I’ve spent years in envy of girls with a C cup. They can shop for affordable bras at most high street retailers and buying bikinis must actually be an enjoyable experience! So why then, when I’m nearly 3 cup sizes smaller, am I still complaining?

Well you see my boobs have had a tough couple of years. Years which have seen weight loss, weight gain, pregnancy, breast feeding and more weight loss. It would be unfair of me to expect them to remain the same but I can’t help thinking they’ve given up.They may be smaller but they now sit hang like two sad, deflated soufflรฉs. Like a shadow of their former selves. You wouldn’t be far wrong if you were to suggest that the life had been sucked right out of them!

I know they’ve played a major part in sustaining a life. Like other areas of my body they bear the tell-tale signs of motherhood. Something which I’m sure I’ll learn to accept over time. However if you happened to find them, please tell them I’m sorry. I know I didn’t appreciate them but I’d love it if they’d give me a second chance. Failing that if anyone is willing to fund a boob job I’d be internally grateful! 

via GIPHY


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33 Comments

  1. January 27, 2017 / 4:34 pm

    Haha great post!! maybe yours have packed up and gone forever like mine!! A local lady has set up a “go fund me” page for her teeth to be fixed, maybe theres room for a “boob job” fund me page!

    #thatfridaylinky

  2. January 27, 2017 / 4:46 pm

    This made me giggle! I considered myself lucky to be near flat chested. Sincebaby andbreastfeeding my boobs are unrecognisable! They’re bigger but with apparently less stuffing! Where have my boobs gone? If you find yours let me know where boobs like to hide! #thatfridaylinky
    Mommyandmadness recently posted…Ending our addictionsMy Profile

  3. January 28, 2017 / 7:40 am

    Oh the bra shopping with your mum brings back some memories! When I was buying a bra for my wedding my mum marched me into a posh lingerie shop, forgetting I wasn’t 14 and said I needed measuring. I almost died, I was straight back there all mini boobed and wearing braces. Cringe! #ThatFridayLinky

  4. Nige
    January 28, 2017 / 9:27 am

    Super post and incredibly honest thanks for sharing Thanks for linking to the #THAT FRIDAY LINKY come back next week please

  5. January 28, 2017 / 7:32 pm

    Oh your mum catching you shaving your bikini! Haha! I would have died! Thanks for linking up to #ThatFridayLinky
    Emily recently posted…What we did this weekMy Profile

  6. February 5, 2017 / 6:31 pm

    I stopped wearing bras over a year ago. I regret nothing. #kcacols
    Bread recently posted…Adventures In MushMy Profile

  7. February 6, 2017 / 3:23 pm

    LMAO! Nothing puts a hit on the boobs like pregnancy and breastfeeding. Mine once resembled a tube sock with a tennis ball in the bottom. But I finished nursing my son and had a little work done. I feel MUCH better about them now. ๐Ÿ˜‰
    WebMDiva recently posted…14 Things I’d Rather Do Than Watch The SuperbowlMy Profile

  8. February 6, 2017 / 3:23 pm

    LMAO! Nothing puts a hit on the boobs like pregnancy and breastfeeding. Mine once resembled a tube sock with a tennis ball in the bottom. But I finished nursing my son and had a little work done. I feel MUCH better about them now. ๐Ÿ˜‰ #AnythingGoes
    WebMDiva recently posted…14 Things I’d Rather Do Than Watch The SuperbowlMy Profile

  9. February 6, 2017 / 5:13 pm

    Oh bless you! I hardly had any to start with! I was lied to and was told I’d blossom when I had a baby. Well it’s nearly five years since I got pregnant and I’m still waiting!! I’ve come to the conclusion I just need to embrace my little lady lumps!! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ #anythinggoes
    Jakijellz recently posted…The Rocking Motherhood TagMy Profile

  10. February 7, 2017 / 7:27 am

    God I had the smallest boobs as a teen…then they were ok and adequate. then I had two babies. I am breastfeeding now and they awesome but I will be crying when I stop. They went sooo small after my first. I feel your pain xx #twinklytuesday

  11. February 7, 2017 / 8:00 am

    I hear ya! I loved my boobs when I was pregnant – DD beauts! Now they are just sad empty sacks. Must get pregnant again just to boost those babies back up again! xx #dreamteam

  12. February 7, 2017 / 12:03 pm

    I’m dreading what mine will look like when I stop breastfeeding. I’m pretty happy with them right now, but I am expecting some major deflation! #DreamTeam

  13. February 7, 2017 / 12:44 pm

    This has made me laugh today!

    Currently breastfeeding a very hungry baby boy … goodness knows what they’ll look like when we’re finished! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    #twinklytuesdays

  14. February 7, 2017 / 1:48 pm

    Aww what a fab post. I think a lot of us are suffering for hunt the boob post babies ๐Ÿ™‚ Thank you for sharing with the #DreamTeam x
    Annette, 3 Little Buttons recently posted…#DreamTeam Linky 41My Profile

  15. February 7, 2017 / 2:31 pm

    I have always had small boobies, but life as taken it’s toll on them. I don’t want them bigger, just lifted back to where they used to be lol.
    #KCACOLS

  16. February 7, 2017 / 3:00 pm

    Loool I have the smallest boobs ever! When I tell people I managed to breastfeed my twins they didn’t believe me but I actually went up 2 bra sizes lol I was estactic!!! I can only imagine the struggles of bra shopping for a bigger size, I go through it on the opposite side of the spectrum lool #TwinklyTuesdays
    Rochelle recently posted…My Celebrity kid style Icon is a trendsetter in the makingMy Profile

  17. February 7, 2017 / 8:37 pm

    Haha great post, made me chuckle. The things we forsake for our children.

  18. February 8, 2017 / 1:07 pm

    Hilarious! and so relatable.
    #dreamteam

  19. February 8, 2017 / 10:17 pm

    Yes!!! I want my boobs. Since i’ve finished feeding they have just shrink to nothing! Who ever stole them, i want them back!! #DreamTeam

  20. February 9, 2017 / 6:47 pm

    I have always been a boob fan which i think is due to all my family having big boobs and i was a measly C/D dependant on my weight (beer induced bloating at uni helped the D stage) but pregnancy saw me increase to an F! they have shrunk slightly but I have a tiny back and a large front meaning i need to up the back size and down the cup to try and get a half decent primark fit.
    The way I currently see it – im still post baby body and im not going to invest in decent boulder holders to then have them change again!
    Boy did i love it when my milk came in – I was very Jordan-esque =] #anythinggoes

  21. February 13, 2017 / 6:56 am

    Hahha this is funny! I hear you, after 18 months breastfeeding my boobs have well and truly disappeared. As my lovely sister in law pointed out last year! #TwinklyTuesday

  22. February 14, 2017 / 10:50 pm

    I donโ€™t remember the meltdown but I guess there was one…that made me laugh. I hear this whole thing and nod…I didn’t have big boobs to begin with at like 32 c, then they went to like an E breastfeeding and then put on weight after loosing all the baby weight and I think I have normal person size boobs at last but they are an inch lower than where they should be and stretch marks attached. My best friend had 2 children and she now likes to tell me how her boobs clap as she runs up the stairs. I wish I had worn more bikinis pre baby lol. Thank you for linking up to #KCAOLS and we hope to see you next Sunday xx

  23. February 16, 2017 / 8:41 pm

    Oh no lots of mortifying bra buying experiences for you then. I despise bra shopping I’m the other end of the spectrum, nowhere stocks sizes big enough for me. My boobs have always been one of my best features (even if I do say so myself!) and they’ve held up (excuse the pun there) pretty well through my 2 pregnancies and combined 3.5yrs of breastfeeding but it’s only now I’m starting to see tell tale signs of wear and tear! It’s sad really, that mixed with grey hairs coming through in my hair (aged 33 no less) and it’s got me saving for future plastic surgery. I think I would go in for breast augmentation in my 50’s I reckon. Thanks for linking up with #KCACOLS

  24. February 16, 2017 / 10:15 pm

    I miss mine too but to be fair I’d just like even ones at the moment – mine are completely wonky now I’m feeding no 3! #KCACOLS

  25. February 16, 2017 / 11:11 pm

    I’m sorry this made me laugh. I am blessed (i know I should say this but it doesn’t feel like it somedays) with dd/e so I’ve never had this problem. But reading you describe your first experience of wearing bras is echoing my issue with my daughter who is 10 and I have to fight with her to even wear one! #kcacols
    Tracey Bowden recently posted…3 Years of Blogging!My Profile

  26. May 31, 2017 / 4:10 am

    ๐Ÿ˜‚ Loved reading your blog post and I totally agree! I’m currently breastfeeding my LO who is now 12 days old and although I’m loving how big my boobs are right now, I’m constantly thinking and dreading the aftermath of what my boobs will look like by the time I’m finished! ๐Ÿ™ˆ
    Fantastic post!

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