Childbirth – Expectations versus Reality

childbirth

This time last year I was 41+1 weeks pregnant. My weight gain was significant enough that I was starting to resemble Shamu. I had drank all the raspberry leaf tea in the north of England and even stimulating my nipples wasn’t working! Just when I thought I would be pregnant forever I felt my first contraction!

It took an agonising 30 hours of labour before Rory finally made an appearance. Replacing my plan for a natural birth was the chaos of epidurals and forceps. It may have been traumatic but it was worth it. Holding that little boy in my arms was the happiest moment of my life!

A year on and one thing still surprises me. Just how wrong my expectations of childbirth really were:

  • Expectation – Gas and Air will be wonderful
    Reality – Gas and Air is useless. In fact it was on par with the paracetamol which got me through the first 12 hours. 
  • Expectation – I will not be naked
    Reality – I was naked the entire time. I challenge anyone to wear clothes while trying to push -what feels like – a Smeg fridge out of their vagina!
  • Expectation – Frozen grapes will be a delicious and refreshing snack 
    Reality – When the pain is so intense it’s causing you to moo like a cow, the last thing you fancy is a pissin frozen grape!
  • Expectation – I will not be one of those women who screams
    Reality – When mooing is no longer effective you’re left with no other option than to scream. 
  • Expectation – My body will know what to do
    Reality – My body was just as clueless as my brain! I never did get the hang of pushing down into my bum!!! 
  • Expectation – The tea and toast will be amazing!
  • Reality – It tasted like it had been baked by Greek gods, toasted by Dumbledore’s wand then sent down to earth on the back of a unicorn. Best toast ever!!! 

childbirth


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Cuddle Fairy
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34 Comments

  1. February 18, 2017 / 11:08 pm

    Hahah I really enjoyed reading this post! Good to know the frozen grapes only seem like a good idea ha! #KCACOLS

  2. February 20, 2017 / 6:18 am

    Haha! The toast was the best I’ve ever tasted! I never heard about taking frozen grapes with me?! Just as well as I don’t think I wanted to eat anything! #marvmondays
    Claire recently posted…Squint SurgeryMy Profile

  3. February 20, 2017 / 10:57 am

    Haha this was funny! A whole year with your little one, congratulations! I’m still chuckling at the Smeg fridge comparison ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ #anythinggoes
    Jaki recently posted…Places To Go: The British Motor MuseumMy Profile

  4. February 20, 2017 / 8:14 pm

    I loved gas and air. It got me through 2 labours! #anythinggoes

  5. February 20, 2017 / 9:08 pm

    I loved gas and air have given birth 3 times on just that! but to be fair they where quite quick! Thank you for linking up with #KCACOLS we hope to see you again next time xx

  6. February 20, 2017 / 9:11 pm

    Hahaha, this is such a great post! I didn’t get the hang of the pushing into your bum either. I also found gas and air useless apart from giving me something to do during contractions! Eventually I just felt sick. No-one offered or suggested paracetamol but I wish I’d had that to just take the edge off. And you’re right, the toast was bloody fantastic! #MarvMondays
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  7. February 20, 2017 / 11:48 pm

    Hahaha, yes, it does feel like a smeg fridge! I agree with a lot of these – I packed lots of food and juice but didn’t fancy any of it.
    I found gas and air did help me, but my labour was nowhere near as long – you must have been exhausted! #mg

  8. February 21, 2017 / 7:23 am

    Oh my goodness!!! Frozen grapes. That made me laugh so hard. Each labour is different too. I’ve had 4 kiddos and after the first I got over the whole don’t look at my privy’s thing. After the second one I embraced swearing – something i wouldn’t usually do! With my 3rd I was naked the whole time at home in a pool surrounded by women. And with my 4th I screamed!!!! #KCACOLS

  9. February 21, 2017 / 2:00 pm

    LMAO! This couldn’t be any truer. By the time it’s all said and done, modesty is no longer a thing for a mom in labor. I remember saying I didn’t want anyone to see anything graphic but 20 hours later it was like, whatever…pull up a chair and watch me suffer. #anythinggoes
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  10. February 21, 2017 / 10:05 pm

    Hahahah that cartoon at the end! Also, I thought I was the only one who loved the hospital food offerings!

    #KCACOLS

  11. February 22, 2017 / 8:12 am

    I feel your pain! My labour was 35 hours! It sucks!!! I too thought gas and air was rubbish. My midwife forced me to try it and I threw up everywhere, she didn’t ask me to do that again! Haha!
    The naked and the smeg fridge yes!! I have to say my expectations of noise went the other way, I fully expected and worried that I would be mooing and swearing at my husband and screaming etc etc, but I didn’t make a sound. My husband thought that was very weird! #KCACOLS

  12. February 22, 2017 / 11:39 pm

    haha this cracked me up. I agree expectations versus reality can be so far apart. I was a quiet birther though, but funnily enough the lady down the hall sounded like a cow mooing. I loved the gas and air as I actually felt totally drunk on it and was making ridiculous jokes and being complete nutter! My third time I was super excited to be hypnobirthing and ended up with a c-section, so that didn’t go as planned! Great post! #mg
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  13. February 23, 2017 / 7:41 pm

    Having just given birth for the third time I can relate to all of these except the tea & toast – mine has always been amazing! #KCACOLS

  14. February 24, 2017 / 11:08 am

    Great post, and love the cartoon at the end. As an antenatal teacher, always so interested to read posts like this ๐Ÿ™‚ #KCACOLS

  15. February 24, 2017 / 2:01 pm

    haha, Gas and Air was rubbish! It didn’t help at all, it just made me go through all the octaves on a piano – which my partner still finds hilarious. Mooing is totally acceptable lol. Great post! #KCACOLS Becky x

  16. February 25, 2017 / 1:17 pm

    The problem is, every single birth is different so you really can never know what to expect! Gas and air worked wonders for me first time round. Second time round I didn’t get any until the last 10 minutes, so up to that point there was a lot of cow-like mooing going on! x #KCACOLS

  17. February 26, 2017 / 8:53 am

    Haha love this, it’s all so true!! I thought I wouldn’t scream but I did..lots! Gas and air is rubbish I agree, I just used it as a distraction but it did nothing for the pain.xx #mg
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  18. February 26, 2017 / 12:55 pm

    Haha I found gas and air ok, but someone told me it doesn’t work for everyoneโ€”I think its a genetic thing. I didn’t try the frozen grapes, but I did take watermelon. Watermelon for crying out loud! #kcacols

  19. February 26, 2017 / 6:56 pm

    Very true….for the parts I got to experience anyways lol. Except the gas and air. Omg I just felt the room fall away. I thought that stuff was wow!

    #KCACOLS

  20. February 27, 2017 / 9:24 pm

    Ahahahaha. Great post, and I love the Liz Climmo cartoon too. She’s great. #kcacols

  21. April 27, 2017 / 7:16 am

    Love this post! Completely agree the gas and air was shit and I did not want to eat anything. Also I wasn’t allowed to eat because I eventually had to get an epidural (it was three days long) eek! Thanks for sharing with #StayClassyMama!
    The Mum Project recently posted…#StayClassyMama Link Party No. 54My Profile

    • Mommyandrory
      April 27, 2017 / 7:56 pm

      Push down into your bum! What F does that even mean!!!

  22. April 27, 2017 / 7:50 pm

    Ha! I had gas and air and don’t really feel like it made much difference either. And I was definitely mostly naked and not in any way ashamed or worried about who could see my bits! #stayclassymama
    The Squirmy Popple recently posted…The Sound of Silence: toddler versionMy Profile

  23. April 27, 2017 / 8:09 pm

    Ha, yes, the food afterwards was the best food ever. I could not get enough of drinking milk. #ablogginggoodtime

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