Since becoming a parent I’ve learned a lot. I can now change a nappy in the front seat of a car in under two minutes, I can perform most everyday household chores with only one hand and I know that the optimum temperature for a baby’s bath is 37C. It’s been thirteen months since my transition to motherhood. In that time I’ve discovered a lot of vital knowledge about babies but I’ve also learned a hell of a lot about myself!
- I’m not very squeamish
Poop, vomit or wee. You name it and I’ve had it on my face! I’ve dealt with that many poonami’s that even washing my hands is a luxury! Pass me a wet wipe and I’m good to go.
- I like wine
OK so this was something I already knew, I just didn’t know how much! Without sounding like an alcoholic wine gets me through those difficult days. You know the ones I’m talking about! Where your child has a cold and they’ve napped for a total of twelve minutes and twenty three seconds. You’ve eaten a multi-pack of Kit Kat Chunky’s, there’s only one nappy left and for the fourth day in a row you still haven’t had time to wash your hair! Knowing that you can pour yourself a
small large glass of wine at 8pm 7pm is enough to prevent you from losing your shit and hiding in the wardrobe!
- I can survive on very little sleep and strong coffee
Rory may sleep for thirteen hours a night but Mommy’s lucky if she gets six. Through no fault but my own I’m your stereotypical example of Mombie! I stay up way past my bedtime, aimlessly scrolling through Rightmove looking at houses I’ll never be able to afford to buy just because it’s the only time I get to myself. I then spend the next day snorting coffee granules while half heartedly searching for the Sky remote which I’ve put in the fridge.
- I don’t like to share my food
Now I’m a mom I enjoy the simple pleasures in life like showering alone, wearing white and eating a meal all to myself! A bacon and egg butty isn’t the same once your toddler has stolen half your bread and licked your bacon!
- I have very little patience
It’s something which I’m trying to work on but I find keeping my cool very difficult after repeating the same three things over a thousand times a day. I mean seriously at what age to kids realise it hurts if they close the toilet lid on their hands??!!
Everyday’s a school day when it comes to parenting and I’ve still got a lot to learn. I may never get that ‘super mom’ status but I’m wearing my learner plates with pride.
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