How to Abandon Your Child and not Feel Guilty!

I'm sure your probably aware but today marks the end of my first week back at work after nearly fifteenth months of maternity leave. It's something which I knew would inevitably happen yet I had delayed as long as possible. As much as I would have loved to have been a stay at home mum, it just wasn't an option. So just how do you manage to abandon your child and not feel guilty?

I’m sure you’re probably aware but today marks the end of my first week back at work after nearly fifteenth months of maternity leave. It’s something which I knew would inevitably happen yet I had delayed as long as possible. As much as I would have loved to have been a stay at home mum, it just wasn’t an option. So just how do you manage to abandon your child and not feel guilty?

I struggled at the beginning of my maternity leave. It was a big transition and I wasn’t ready to hand myself over to the stay at home mom lifestyle. I didn’t want to just become someone’s mommy. I still wanted to retain a small part of my social life while listening to house music a little too loud. It wasn’t until about four months in that I accepted I had changed. My social life existed only within M&S cafe and I  had even started to roll my eyes at the volume of the music in ASDA. To my babyless friends I may have appeared unbalanced but I was just getting to grips with my new life.

I’ve always known that I would return to work full time. We’ve made it no secret that Rory was a surprise baby. Ryan and I had only been together a short time when we discovered our double act would soon become a trio! Instead of saving money for a mortgage we were out buying nappies and baby clothes. It may not be ideal but returning to work gives us the opportunity to put more money aside and hopefully get ourselves on the property ladder sooner rather than later.

Owning our own home is a big deal for me. I’ve always rented and I’d love a place that we can put our own stamp on. I want Rory to grow up in a home where he can decorate his own room. A home where we can mark his height on the door frame, where there’s room for our family to grow (if we decide to) and make memories. It feels a million miles away right now but I’m hopeful we’ll get there one day.

As hard as it was to leave Rory on Monday morning I knew it was for the best. The past year or so has been amazing. I’ve loved been a stay at home mum but it’s been hard on the relationship I have with Ryan. We don’t argue about money but with only one wage coming in we’ve had to make sacrifices. I’d be lying if I said we hadn’t felt the strain. At times it’s been difficult to accept we have no free cash for date nights. Having to spend family time at the park instead of the zoo. Not been able to go on holiday or treat ourselves to new clothes. You try your best but when every penny counts arguments can start easily. 

Money aside another positive of returning to work is actually spending more time with Ryan. While working in the same office can be challenging, the majority of the time it’s great to know he’s always there. It’s something which I didn’t appreciate before Rory was born. I know it sounds silly but seeing Ryan as Ryan gives me butterflies. It takes me right back to those early days when everything was exciting and new. The days when you savour every kiss and “I love you” hangs on the tip of your tongue. The love has always been there it’s just got a new lease of life! 

Leaving Rory has been difficult but returning to work wasn’t as bad as I initially though. Until you’ve spent a year with a small child you don’t understand the importance of adult conversation. I may be a little out of the loop but it’s been fantastic to see some friendly faces.

Yes it’s emotional, heartbreaking and tiring but I’m doing it with our families best interests in mind. I hope that in the near distant future we can buy our first family home, pay off our credit card and enjoy a little more disposable income. But I know that wouldn’t be possible on just one wage. Going forward I’ll be valuing the time I spend with my family that little bit more. I hope that as Rory grows he understands why both his Mommy and Daddy work. I hope he appreciates everything we’ve worked so hard for and knows that we only do it because we love him so much.

So how do I manage to abandon my child and not feel guilty? 

I don’t. Everyday that I walk away and leave I feel guilty. All I want to do is cry but I’m providing for my family. I’m giving my son the life he deserves and supporting the man I love. Happiness doesn’t always come easy but that’s why it’s worth so much.

I'm sure your probably aware but today marks the end of my first week back at work after nearly fifteenth months of maternity leave. It's something which I knew would inevitably happen yet I had delayed as long as possible. As much as I would have loved to have been a stay at home mum, it just wasn't an option. So just how do you manage to abandon your child and not feel guilty?

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  1. March 31, 2017 / 3:24 am

    It’s a challenge to weigh up the pros and cons of such decisions. For what it’s worth, I think you have made the right choice. #thatfridaylinky

  2. March 31, 2017 / 3:59 am

    Great job on making tough decisions to benefit your family! #ThatFridayLinky

  3. March 31, 2017 / 8:13 am

    I’d have loved to have gone back to work, but that wasn’t an option for us. I’m not altogether comfortable with the SAHM lifestyle – I’ve become very lazy!! My son just turned 3 and now has his government nursery hours and I’ve been counting down the seconds until he started – I left him there for the first time on Thursday and cried most of the way home. He was only there for two hours but it was so strange! I kept thinking I’d forgotten him. We all have to do what’s best for our families – I think it’s wonderful that you’re back at work, and I’m sure he has the best time at Nursery too 🙂 #ThatFridayLinky

  4. March 31, 2017 / 8:22 am

    You’re doing it for all the right reasons, and as he gets a little older he will understand all that. I really feel for you. i have been looking for nurseries for my daughter who’s two and really struggling with the whole idea. #thatfridaylinky

  5. March 31, 2017 / 11:45 pm

    There shouldn’t need to be guilt associated with having a job and being a mother. In this day and age there are families with one working parent, two working parents, SAHDs and SAHMs, single parents, etc.

    We all have to do what is right and best for us and our family. In your case that is working.

    I’m sure the time you have as a family is better, for the fact you are gone whilst working. #thatfridaylinky

  6. April 1, 2017 / 2:09 pm

    It must be really nice knowing that Ryan is there with you at work, and especially in the first few days. I think that you are showing your little man that it’s important to work hard for the things that you want in life, and that’s an incredible life lesson. I totally agree that the adult conversations are a real perk to going back to the office, and the odd hot cuppa doesn’t go a miss either! 😉 Thank you for sharing my post with #Blogcrush. I’m so pleased that your first week back has gone well xx

    • April 6, 2017 / 5:29 pm

      Just me again! Popping back via #DreamTeam for a second read. Thanks so much for joining in with us lovely xx

  7. Nige
    April 1, 2017 / 8:32 pm

    I wonderful post and must be heartbreaking for you especially after 15 months I love your honesty about how much it hurts to leave but I’m sure it will get better as time goes by. Love your writing it’s very engaging Thanks for linking to the #THAT FRIDAY LINKY come back next week please

  8. April 2, 2017 / 12:00 pm

    I remember feeling guilty returning to work & cried the 1st day dropping them at nursery but money & adult conversation is necessary & I was always going back. It definitely gets easier & I believe nursery can be good for children teaching independence, sharing and making friends. #kcacols lifeinthemumslane

  9. April 3, 2017 / 6:34 am

    Hi, thank you for sharing this personal post about returning to work. You are clearly doing it for the benefit of your family #marvmondays

  10. April 3, 2017 / 6:43 am

    It is hard and a real juggling act isn’t it. I’ve ummed and ahhed so many times about work vs staying at home and think I have found a balance of 3 days a week. I also love nursery and think its so important for their development, plus they can do all the messy stuff we wouldn’t dream of doing at home!!! Thanks for sharing for #marvmondays x

  11. April 3, 2017 / 12:20 pm

    It can be so hard, especially when you first return to work. I still get feelings of guilt almost a year after going back, but my income is the primary income right now, so I have to focus on the fact that I’m providing for my family. #MarvMondays

  12. April 3, 2017 / 10:12 pm

    I am a stay at home mum, and I still feel guilty when I leave Piglet for an hour. Even if he’s in bed and doesn’t even know I’m gone! Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday

  13. April 3, 2017 / 10:40 pm

    It’s so hard leaving your child, but I promise it does get easier. It sounds like you are doing exactly the right thing for the three of you, and it’s great that you have Ryan in the same office as you. Claire x #MarvMondays

  14. April 4, 2017 / 2:39 am

    It dose get easier- as it all will girl… then it will get hard as shit…then easier again.

    The ebb and flow of life.


  15. April 4, 2017 / 6:28 am

    Bless, you will feel dreadful everytime you leave him, but it does get easier. It honestly does. It’s taken a long time for L to find his feet at nursery but now he has I literally drop him off and leave and other than the odd day I’m feelin a bit low or emotional it’s actually fine. He actually pushes me out of the door now. #TwinklyTuesday

  16. The first few weeks and months are tough as mum leaving their child for the first time. It’s been over a year for us and I would be lying if I said I didn’t ever get the odd niggle. But my daughter absolutely loves going to her nursery and being with other people. Your little one will be the same I’m sure. He won’t know any different and all he’ll know is that his mummy or daddy comes to get him at the end of everyday. Just remember you will have ups and downs so review your own words in this post and stay strong through the low times. Hope you have a great second week! #MarvMondays

  17. April 4, 2017 / 8:45 am

    I had to return to work when my first was 6m old, as Hubby can’t work. It was heartbreaking everytime, and not just for me! I would come home to a baby who’s voice was hoarse because she cried the whole time I was gone It was hard. Getting laid off was a blessing in that sense and by the time I found more work she was able to deal with me being gone.

  18. April 4, 2017 / 9:13 am

    you sound like you have a lovely balance of family, work and life in general, it’s great that you and your husband enjoy working together as well. #triumphanttales

  19. April 4, 2017 / 9:17 am

    It does get easier, I work full time and have done since he was 6 months old. I feel guilty every day but the pros outweight the cons for me and I am a better mother because of it #twinklytuesday

  20. April 4, 2017 / 9:17 am

    It does get easier, I work full time and have done since he was 6 months old. I feel guilty every day but the pros outweigh the cons for me and I am a better mother because of it #twinklytuesday

  21. April 4, 2017 / 10:44 am

    I don’t want to go back, but like you, I have future houses to buy. I’m trying to negotiate part-time, but I don’t know if that’s going to wash! I agree that it’s for the best and in the long-run, it’ll all be worth it 🙂 #MarvMondays

  22. April 4, 2017 / 2:01 pm

    You’re doing a really great job. Going back to work wasn’t an option for me due to visa restrictions, but I see how hard it is for moms, I also see how those working moms really do positively contribute to their family.

  23. April 4, 2017 / 8:56 pm

    Oh bless you. Never easy indeed but providing for them is equally as important. I know what you mean about adult conversation!! #twinklytuesday

  24. April 4, 2017 / 9:51 pm

    You are building a life for your family, there is no guilt to be had.

  25. April 5, 2017 / 11:07 am

    I can only imagine how difficult it must have been going back to work after such a long time off. It really does sound like you are doing what is best for your family, you shouldn’t feel guilty but mum guilt is a killer! Thanks for linking up to #BlogCrush xx

  26. April 6, 2017 / 8:52 am

    We never get away from guilt even when we have nothing to feel guilty for. Stay at home mums have guilt of trying to justify their time, working mums have the guilt of leaving their child. Its endless. Great post #StayClassyMama

  27. April 6, 2017 / 11:58 am

    You never shun the Mummy guilt, whatever your situation! #stayclassymama

  28. April 6, 2017 / 10:59 pm

    You’ve taken me right back in time three and a half years! I found it so hard leaving him and I’ll be honest, even now, I have days where I feel so guilty – usually a Monday after a great weekend together. Mum guilt is a bitch!! Great post lovely. Thanks for linking up to #TriumphantTales – please do come back next week! ?

  29. April 7, 2017 / 7:53 pm

    I honestly take my hat off to Mum’s that work outside of the home. I’m a SAHM and find it hard to juggle everything so doing that as well as a job! It must be so hard! (but at the same time very rewarding!) Well done on your first week back! #MarvMondays

  30. April 8, 2017 / 7:10 am

    Great post and it’s so hard wherher you’re working or a SAHM everyone feels guilt of some sort. Hope the return has been ok and you’re settling back in. #ablogginggoodtime

  31. April 8, 2017 / 8:49 am

    Oh it’s so hard going back but it sounds like it’s for the right reason. When I went back, I did 4 days and then we were in the position where we could buy a house and I started full time again. We bought our house and I know that even though it was so hard, all those hours were worth it. I’m now in mat leave again and we are in the position that I don’t need to work full time at the end of it. I’ve just got to find something that can cover the excess bills!! I hope it all gets a bit easier for you. Thanks for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday

  32. April 9, 2017 / 5:15 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing this post with us at #PostsFromTheHeart this week, it’s one I really need to read. With only two weeks of my maternity leave left I’m already worrying about how I’ll feel when I get back, so it’s really reassuring to read your positive take on it. Thank you for giving me hope.

  33. April 10, 2017 / 9:24 pm

    Thank you for sharing this post with us at #TriumphantTales. Please know that leaving him will get easier and you wont feel as guilty as time goes on. I’ve been back at work for three months now and it does get easier. I found after a while the lack of seeing him awake in the mornings and then missing him before he goes to sleep at night made me feel awful and I hated it. But we now facetime every day when i leave work which even though its not in person, it is still seeing him awake. Maybe do something like this? Also if possible try some flexitime? I work full time hours over 4 days so i have wednesdays off meaning i only have two days without seeing Ben.
    If you want/need to chat/blub/rant I’m here to chat =] xx

  34. April 11, 2017 / 9:21 am

    I think abandon your child implies lack of thought and returning to work after maternity leave I don’t think any mum does not give hours of agonising thought too. You are doing what is right for you and your family. I went back to my work when my son was 7 months as I was solo and money was tight, I still feel torn at leaving him even now like I may have missed out on things but on the other hand I loved feeling like a human being, having conversations with adults and brushing my hair. Be kind to yourself lovely your family love you working or not. Thank you for linking to #stayclassymama x

  35. April 12, 2017 / 7:55 pm

    well done sweetheart. it’s so tough but you are doing the right thing for your wonderful family. Big hugs xx
    Thanks for linking to #ablogginggoodtime

  36. April 14, 2017 / 8:20 pm

    Leaving to go back to work is so hard at first isn’t it. I remember when I did I only worked in the shop underneath and it was so hard hearing what was going on upstairs and not being able to up to them. But you are doing what is best for you and your family and that is something to be proud of #kcacols

  37. April 18, 2017 / 10:40 pm

    15 months! Wow, lucky you, well done for making that work. I was on statutory maternity pay with both of ours so even the 9 months Mat Leave was a struggle financially. That definitely felt too early. Physically I was still breastfeeding both at that stage so was pumping milk in a little room – a cruel little reminder that I should be elsewhere. But you know what? Now they’re 5 and 8 and it doesn’t matter. They’re in school. All those years juggling work and newborns was worth it, I stayed connected with the sector I work in and now have a more flexible, freelance and portfolio career that I’d have struggled to pull together if I’d not carried on working. I’m definitely not a high flyer, I still have a piddly little income but we live accordingly.

    It’s not abandoning. You shouldn’t feel guilty. Different ways work for different people. Horses for courses and all that. I still have people ask me how I manage to be away from mine on work trips away. Erm, they’re with family on those occasions. It takes a village.

  38. September 30, 2017 / 7:27 pm

    Hey mama! It might help if you stopped calling it abandonment, haha. You’re not abandoning him–abandonment is permanent. You’re going to work! It’s okay! Take it easy on yourself!

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