A Letter to my Friend – I’m Sorry

Dear Friend,

I’m sorry that our friendship has changed.
I was naive to believe that becoming a parent wouldn’t change me. For a while you were concerned but now I know you’ll agree that it has had such a positive impact on my life. I’ve become a stronger person but I know it’s been tough on us.

I’m sorry I don’t see you as much.
There was a time when your Nan should have really been charging me rent. It was a time of darkness and sadness but I always had you. Now we don’t see as much of each other but it doesn’t mean I don’t value our friendship. We may not see each other every day or even speak on the phone but you’re still my best friend!  

I’m sorry if I’m boring.
Now that my life revolves around a tiny human, it’s hard to think of what to say. I don’t want to be the parent who waffles on about their kids but it’s hard. You see I don’t have much else going on in my life!

I’m sorry we don’t have much in common.
Looking back we used to be so in sync. Even though our lives were at different stages they would still intertwine. Although now so much has changed. It’s like I’ve been catapulted ahead, into the unknown. I know one day we’ll be back on the same page but until then we’ll have to keep making the effort to pop into each other’s world.

I’m sorry if it takes me three days to reply to your text.
We both agree, I’ve never been the best at replying although I’m aware it now takes me even longer. It’s not that you’re unimportant or that I don’t miss you. I just never realised how demanding children can be!

I’m sorry if you feel awkward.
Babies are scary and weird, I get that. Even after having a child of my own, hand me a random baby and I’ll still panic! Don’t worry, when he’s older I’ll send him over with a pack of plasticine and some crayon’s and he can draw on your walls!

I’m sorry I wasn’t at your hen do.
It was just bad timing, something which couldn’t be helped but that doesn’t mean I’m not sorry. I always thought we’d end up crazy drunk, sporting flashing learner plates and willy straws. I didn’t picture myself staying home to take care of a new born baby!

I’m sorry I wasn’t your bridesmaid.
I always thought that I’d be by your side when you walked down the aisle. I know things didn’t quite go to plan and I wish the timings had been different so I could have been up there with you. Although I may not have been part of the bridal party, I couldn’t have been happier watching you marry the man of your dreams. 

Times may change, there may be distance between us but no matter what I’ll always value your friendship.

Love your Bestie x

 


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56 Comments

  1. January 18, 2017 / 5:48 pm

    Ah becky I’m sure you don’t need to apologise, you are a great friend and she knows this will never change 😘 Xx

    • Mommyandrory
      January 18, 2017 / 7:39 pm

      Thanks hun xx

  2. Georgia Courtnell
    January 18, 2017 / 7:41 pm

    😢 so emotional right now!!!
    There is zero reason to apologise you silly sausage!!!
    We might not have time to go out drinking anymore & spending all day in bed watching films and eating icecream, however please know that I truly value the time we do get together 👭
    I love you forever & ever and I love my little Rory too even if I am awkward with babies 😂 not dropped him yet so I’m happy 😊 I’m more comfortable now he’s not quite as flimsy hahaha! Can’t believe Rory is going to be the big 1 in a few weeks! You’ve done us all so proud I’m so privileged to be your friend, you’re an amazing mummy.
    Love your BFF xxx

    • Mommyandrory
      January 18, 2017 / 8:04 pm

      So much bestie love going on right now!!! I’m really glad I’ve made you proud, love you lots xx

  3. January 19, 2017 / 7:05 am

    Awww such a lovely post/letter hun. Not to sound bad but becoming a parent can take its toll on friendships.. especially when there lives are so different to yours. Me and my best friend grew apart alot since I’ve had kids and now see each other like 3 times a year. It’s gutting at times. Hopefully your friend understands thou and doesn’t hold it against you at all. Life changes doesn’t necessarily means it’s a bad thing. Hugs #COOLMUMCLUB

    • Mommyandrory
      January 21, 2017 / 9:52 am

      It’s hard to maintain friendships but strong ones will last. I’m lucky to have my friend, she’s very understanding and supportive. We may not see them as much but at least then we have loads to talk about when we do! Thanks for reading and for your lovely comment xx

  4. January 19, 2017 / 9:02 am

    I don’t think anything can prepare us for the change that kids bring. However much we think we’ll stay the same, it jut doesn’t happen. It sounds like you have a lovely friendship, and I’m sure that your friend will do her best to try to understand what’s going. She may not fully “get it” until she has a child of her own, but the important thing is to keep making time for each other and be gracious and kind to each other, even when different choices and priorities come up. #ABloggingGoodTime
    Lucy At Home recently posted…Bloggers Bluff #13: This Is Me NowMy Profile

    • Mommyandrory
      January 21, 2017 / 9:54 am

      Thanks Lucy. I’m really lucky to have a friend like her. It’s true, she may not be able to relate to my situation but I know she’s there to help and support me if I need it. Thanks for reading and for taking your time to comment 🙂 xx

  5. January 19, 2017 / 9:20 am

    Friendships do change and evolve as do most relationships, it is hard when you are at different stages with different priorities. I missed my sisters hubby’s 40th because I had a 1 month old and it was unjust too much for me to go, but I felt guilty. They were great about it though. When I had my first born, my best friend used to ring me expecting I could still chat for hours, but we had our second abbeys close in age and she finally understood. #stayclassmama

    • Mommyandrory
      January 21, 2017 / 9:57 am

      I don’t think I realised until after Rory was born how much it would change me. It’s very true we both have very different priorities but I know that our friendship is strong. We may be at different stages but we still love each other and which is the most important thing. Thank you for reading my post and for your great comment! xx

  6. January 19, 2017 / 10:29 am

    Ahhh it must be so hard to be the first to take that leap. I was one of the last in my friend group and it is weird when you suddenly have very different priorities, but you’re right, one day, down the line and if you want it to, your lives will sync up again. I hope writing this has helped you to put any feelings of guilt you have to bed. You really don’t need to apologise for having your son. #ablogginggoodtime

    • Mommyandrory
      January 21, 2017 / 10:01 am

      I think it made it a little harder because it was a surprise too. No one expected it so everyone we love didn’t have love to adjust to the idea. Having Rory has been the greatest achievement in my life and I know how proud my friend is. We may not have the same priorities right now but I know our friendship is strong and we care for each other a lot. Thanks for reading my post and I really appreciate your comment xx

    • Mommyandrory
      January 21, 2017 / 10:03 am

      Completely agree! I was a little blind going into it all. I didn’t realise how time consuming being a mommy would be and it is difficult to make time for your friends. I’m lucky to have a strong friendship with someone who although she may not be able to relate, is understanding of my situation and doesn’t take it personally. Thanks for reading and for commenting on my post xx

  7. January 19, 2017 / 12:06 pm

    Oh this is such a beautiful post – I really hope your friend read this. Friendships change so much once one has children – it’s really made me reflect on some of the friends that I’m not as super close to anymore because of children – makes me sad, But I reckon if they are good enough friends, which I’m sure your friend is, they will totally understand and one day they will know for themselves when they have children lovely xx #ablogginggoodtime

    • Mommyandrory
      January 21, 2017 / 10:06 am

      Thank you so much. My friend has read the post, there’s a slightly emotional comment from her somewhere near the top 🙂 I know my friendship will survive because of how strong we are. We may be going through different things however were both there to support each other as best we can. As you get older your network of friends becomes smaller but their the true friends that will be with your through life, the ones that really matter. Thanks for reading xx

  8. January 19, 2017 / 12:25 pm

    Aww bless ❤ I can relate to this too. My besties and I promised each other nothing would change between us when I had my daughter. Oh how wrong was I! #stayclassymama

    • Mommyandrory
      January 21, 2017 / 10:08 am

      I didn’t realise when I wrote it but reading all the comments I think its something which a lot of people can relate to. You know children will change your life but until they arrive its difficult to understand just how much! Thanks for reading xx

  9. January 19, 2017 / 2:29 pm

    It’s tough, but the best of friends “get it”! #stayclassymama

    • Mommyandrory
      January 21, 2017 / 10:11 am

      Very true. I’m lucky that although my friends can’t relate to the situation they are very understanding. Thanks for reading xx

  10. January 19, 2017 / 3:09 pm

    Aww I’m sure there’s nothing to apologise for! She’s your best friend and she gets it. Such a beautiful read. Thanks for sharing xx #coolmumclub

    • Mommyandrory
      January 21, 2017 / 10:13 am

      Thanks Collette. My friend said exactly the same although it’s nice for me to be able to tell her how I feel. I know it’s probably just my mom guilt morphing into friend guilt but it’s sometimes easier to write your feelings than to say them out loud. Thanks for reading xx

  11. January 19, 2017 / 4:52 pm

    I am one of the first in my group of friends to have children, too, and it can be difficult at times. I have been really lucky that they all seem to be on board with the ‘new me’ and to understand that my priorities have shifted. I imagine it’s easier if you all go through it at the same time but I guess I’ll be the ‘wise one’ when they get to this stage 😂 #ablogginggoodtime

    • Mommyandrory
      January 21, 2017 / 10:15 am

      Thanks Ellen. I agree it’s difficult but true friends will be understanding. I’m lucky that although my friend cant relate to my situation, she doesn’t take it personally. I guess your right. When she has babies I’ll be the one who pops round and tells her to wash the 3 day old sick from her hair while I watch the baby! Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment on my post xx

  12. January 19, 2017 / 9:04 pm

    This is so lovely and a letter that many of us could write to our friends. True friendship lasts no matter how much of life gets in the way. You sound like a lovely friend. #stayclassymama
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    • Mommyandrory
      January 21, 2017 / 10:17 am

      Thank you for your lovely comment. I think its something a lot of people can relate to. I’m lucky that we have a strong friendship. I like to think I’m a pretty good friend but like most thinks I can sometimes be over critical of myself. Thanks for reading xx

  13. January 19, 2017 / 9:58 pm

    It’s natural that children change things, but true friends stay strong through thick and thin (and 3.30am replies to WhatsApp 😉 #stayclassymama

    • Mommyandrory
      January 21, 2017 / 10:22 am

      Very true! I just don’t think I realised how much until after he was born. Thanks for reading xx

  14. January 20, 2017 / 12:30 am

    Becoming a parent not only changes your life but can change those around you. The great thing about best friends is they love the change as much as you do and it sounds like this is the case for you guys.

    • Mommyandrory
      January 21, 2017 / 10:24 am

      Thanks Jeff. I loved your comment, very true. I’m lucky to have a really strong friendship. I know we both love each other dearly and will always support each other even if our priorities change. Thank you for reading my post and taking the time to comment. It’s greatly appreciated xx

  15. January 20, 2017 / 2:21 am

    I love this post. It reminds me of me and my best friend. She is 3 years younger than me but my first child will almost be 6 when she gives birth to her first baby. We were not leading the same type of life for quite a few years there. Her wedding was awesome but I was just a guest and not in it even though she totally wanted me to be.

    • Mommyandrory
      January 21, 2017 / 10:26 am

      Thanks for your comment Nicole. It’s great that although your lives have grown apart your still friends. Strong friendships last! Thanks for reading xx

  16. January 20, 2017 / 6:24 am

    “I just never realised how demanding children can be!” so true! I thought staying at home with my son would be so much easier. How wrong I was. Friends understand. Great post!

    • Mommyandrory
      January 21, 2017 / 10:28 am

      My OH says this all the time. He tells me that he doesn’t know how I do it every day. I think Monday morning comes round and he actually breaths a sigh of relief…until he gets to work, then he wishes he was back home! Thanks for reading xx

  17. January 20, 2017 / 12:37 pm

    This is relatable. I’m very lucky that I became a Mum at exactly the same time as my 2 best friends, but I have other friendships that have changed and discontinued since I’ve become a Mum. Really great post. #thatfridaylinky
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    • Mommyandrory
      January 21, 2017 / 10:29 am

      I do wish we had done it around the same time but I know I’m lucky because our friendship is strong. We’ll survive because we love each other and will always be there to support each other even if it isn’t in person. Thanks for reading xx

  18. January 20, 2017 / 5:34 pm

    This is just beautiful, I hope your best friend gets to read it #stayclassymama

    • Mommyandrory
      January 21, 2017 / 10:30 am

      Thanks. She has read the post and left a rather emotional comment somewhere near the top. Thanks for reading xx

    • Mommyandrory
      January 21, 2017 / 10:31 am

      Thanks for your comment Alana. Isn’t she lovely! We have a great friendship and I’m so lucky! Thank you so much for reading my post xx

  19. January 20, 2017 / 10:57 pm

    It’s tough when lives move on and friendships change, but real friends are always there and have a way of finding their way back to us. I’m sure when your friend has a family of her own she will appreciate your friendship more than anything #ablogginggoodtime

  20. January 21, 2017 / 9:50 am

    I hope your next encounter with your bestie is as if no time had passed. It sounds as though, with all the thought and love in the post, you’re a pretty darned good friend! #ablogginggoodtime <3

  21. January 21, 2017 / 6:54 pm

    Lovely post and really cool to see the photo’s of you and your friends in the ‘before’ time. And yes babies are scary and weird (even your own, sometimes…)! What a great friendship, it will definitely stand the test of time and you will catch up to each other again in the future #stayclassymama

  22. January 21, 2017 / 8:14 pm

    It can be hard to maintain friendships after having a baby, especially if your friends don’t have kids. They may not understand how limited your time is or how totally and completely a baby takes over your life, but all you can do is be there for them when you can, in your own way. Most of my friends are pretty understanding. #stayclassymama
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  23. January 21, 2017 / 10:26 pm

    Lovely! Friendships definitely suffer when the first has a baby! I’m hopeful that when the next have babies things will turn back more like how they used to be. I’m sure your bestie understands though!
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  24. January 22, 2017 / 12:12 am

    People say that you find out who your true friends are when you become a parent and that’s very true. Thanks for linking up to #ThatFridayLinky

  25. Nige
    January 22, 2017 / 9:55 am

    A beautiful post and you have a wonderful friend unfortunately children change who we are at times very honest post Thanks for linking to the #THAT FRIDAY LINKY come back next week please

  26. January 22, 2017 / 9:35 pm

    It’s so true that friendships are harder to maintain once a little one (or two or three) come around. But best friends are just that. They take you as you are and understand. One day you’ll be able to get together more often and make up for the last time. I’m sure you’ve been forgiven! #stayclassymama

  27. January 23, 2017 / 4:03 pm

    It’s so easy to get absorbed in being a mum and forget our friends sometimes. Well done for recognising where things may have changed in your relationship. Hope you get back on track. #coolmumclub

  28. January 24, 2017 / 2:06 am

    A post that so many moms of young ones can relate to! Motherhood changes so much in an instant, doesn’t it? The greatest friends in our lives are the ones that we can reconnect with – whether after 3 days of not texting back or months in between seeing each other – and jump right back in where we were.
    #KCACOLS

  29. January 24, 2017 / 5:03 am

    I feel this way about so many of my friendships. Even those with kids is the same, I have 3 and they have 1. It’s hard. #ablogginggoodtime & #Stayclassymama

  30. January 24, 2017 / 11:41 pm

    When I first had my daughter, as strange as it is to say, I had lots of friends. But two year down the line and a lot of these have vanished. Having a child did effect many relationship, which is a shame! But I’m sure that you don’t have to apologise I’m sure that your friend knows you love her!

  31. January 25, 2017 / 11:15 am

    This is such a lovely post. With babies or not I think most friendships change shape as we get older. Best friends will always be there whatever happens to the dynamics of the friendship. Never feel like you should apologise.
    #KCACOLS

  32. January 28, 2017 / 4:06 pm

    its so tough isn’t it with little ones. I’ve found friends come and go all my life really. its only now that ive had my son that I feel like ive made proper friends in our home town.
    Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday!

  33. January 28, 2017 / 10:27 pm

    Perhaps in the future your interests and lives with sync up again. I know what it’s like to lose a friend when things in your life change. #kcacols

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